Not This Again

I stayed away from this blog for a long time. I got a laptop hoping it would make my life easier instead things got more complicated. My cellphone or smartphone became the tool to blog, tweet and keep up with the social scenes on line.  The more connected everything got the more I get annoyed with it.

I remember there was a time I lived to be on FB and tell folks what I was thinking. I wanted to use everything FB had to offer. I got swallowed by zynga games. I even paid cash to improve games. I was completely lost.  I can’t afford crap like that. I live from paycheck to paycheck. I am in my late 30’s with a kid and my shit still isn’t together.

Every time I posted I vowed to be a better blogger. I told myself b/c no one reads my blogs, that once I found the mission for my blogs. I would be able to post with abandon.  That didn’t happen. I got overwhelmed with expectations and fear.  If I wrote my all and still no one read or found it interesting, my reason for being would be gone. Giving up is a bad habit I have cultivated to an art form.  I will make a list.  But not today. Today or this post is about finding purpose or all the crazy things I think about before stating this purpose.
I thought to start new I needed to always have a new book, new blog, clean paper or slate. I am not going that far this time.  I am not making promises either. I plan to write about the things that bug me about myself, food things that interest me.  Great writers say write what you know. I know myself and I know what I like to eat. It isn’t helping me. I am seriously obese for my height and it is probably messing with my health. I joined a weight loss program and dropped out. Didn’t I say quitting is an artform for me. J.C. gre
at starter, bad finisher. 🙂
I don’t want to see my doctor b/c when I began seeing her I told her I wanted to lose weight. That was 3-4 years ago. I gained weight instead. Back then I was prediabetic and prehypertensive, I should have them by now.  Is it bad that I want the easy route?
I want to weigh less than I do now. I just don’t want to suffer.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s